Eight themes emerged from the data analysis: ‘acceptance of sexual contact in the context of opposite-sex relationships‘, ‘sexual activity as a guarantee for keeping the boyfriend in the relationship’, ‘premarital sexual relationship as an undeniable personal right’, ‘having successful marriage in spite of premarital sexual relationships’, ‘virginity as an old fashioned phenomenon’, ‘love as a license for premarital sexual behaviors’, ‘goal-oriented relationship as a license for premarital sexual behaviors’, and ‘experiencing premarital sexual relationships in order to gain perfection’.
4.1. Acceptance of Sexual Contact in the Context of Opposite-Sex Relationships
Participants reported that they experienced a sense of guilt during their first sexual encounters. Also, most of them reported a sense of duality because they were doing something that opposed social norms, and in some cases opposed their own beliefs. After time progression, they felt more comfortable to engage in sexual relationships. In fact, they could accept the sexual contact as an inseparable part of their relationship, as some of the participants stated that they, themselves, welcomed sexual relationships. Sepideh, 21 years old, whose parents had talked to her about making a decision regarding premarital sexual relationships, reported that:
“My second boyfriend was frequently talking about sexuality issues; afterwards, I thought that experiencing premarital sexual behaviors may not be a special phenomenon and nothing will happen if I experience it. After that, I experienced sexual relationships and enjoyed it. Now, I think about why I should delete this enjoyable act from my life? If I love someone, I prefer to have sexual relationship with them and I have accepted sexual contact as part of my relationship.”
4.2. Premarital Sexual Relationship As an Undeniable Personal Right
Most of the young women who had premarital sexual experiences believed that sexuality is a natural phenomenon and is a need that is required to be met. Thus, they experienced premarital sexual relationships more freely. This group of participants believed that it is ridiculous to abstain from sexual behaviors before marriage. They also stated that women could enjoy premarital sexual relationships as much as men and it is a mutual pleasure. Yasna, a 28 year-old woman, stated that:
“I believe that premarital sexual relationships are an undeniable right for everyone. Why do you eat an orange? You eat the orange because God has created it for you to eat. This is also true for premarital sexual relationships; God has created sexual relationships for you to experience and it is not important whether you experience it inside or outside of a marriage.”
4.3. Sexual Activity As a Guarantee for Keeping the Boyfriend in the Relationship
Some of the young women believed that sexual relationships could keep their boyfriends in the relationship and encourage them to get married. In fact, these young women considered premarital sexual relationships as a trap for marriage. They believed that if emotional and sexual relationships are well established, their boyfriends will also love them and would want to experience sexual relationships only with them. Sahar, 25 years old, stated that:
“In my first opposite-sex relationship, I did not let my boyfriend engage in sexual relationships with me. In that relationship, my boyfriend left me. I thought if I had allowed us to engage in sexual relationships, I would be able to keep him in the relationship and convince him to get married. Now, I believe that I am not a bad girl and when God sends me an appropriate boy, he does not mind if I hug or kiss him. These behaviors could involve his emotions and feelings as well as mine.”
4.4. Having a Successful Marriage in Spite of Premarital Sexual Relationships
Some participants believed that experiencing premarital sexual relationships is not an obstacle for them to have a successful marriage. Sima, 31 years old, stated that:
“There is a belief in the Iranian culture that men like to marry women who have not experienced premarital sexual behaviors. I think this belief is wrong. I have seen several women who had premarital sexual relationships and had a successful marriage afterward.”
4.5. Virginity As an Old Fashioned Phenomenon
Some participants questioned the importance of virginity and stated that it is an old fashioned phenomenon because they believed virginity is not equal to female chastity. On one hand, a woman could experience different types of premarital sexual behaviors, other than vaginal, while she keeps her hymen intact. On the other hand, one’s hymen could be damaged during an accident and it does not mean that she is not a virgin or a decent woman. In addition, some of the participants believed that they do not need to ask other people, such as family or community members, about keeping their virginity, because they believed the decision about keeping their virginity is a personal right. This viewpoint was observed not only among the participants but also among some families who allowed their daughters to experience any type of sexual behaviors. They had explained to their daughters that keeping virginity was not important for them. This viewpoint was evident by what the participants stated when describing people who had premarital sexual relationships as ‘open-minded people’. Shima, 30 years old, stated that:
“After I realize that my boyfriend is a decent person, I decide to experience penetrative sexual relationships. I believe that what is more worthwhile than virginity is the individuals’ personality, not a small part of the body [Hymen].”
4.6. Experiencing Premarital Sexual Behaviors in Order to Gain Perfection
Some participants believed that premarital sexual relationships could be a way to reach perfection, relaxation and increased self-confidence. They reported that, occasionally, they preferred to experience sexual relationships in order to become relaxed after a mental fatigue or stressful event. In fact, the sexual relationship for these young women was a means to feel more comfortable and become relaxed. They believed that these occasional sexual relations could not satisfy them and they looked for a meaningful sexual relationship to gain perfection. Soraya, 28 years old, reported that:
“I like to have a successful sexual relationship, as I experience and feel perfection. In fact, when I communicate with my boyfriend and engage in sexual behaviors, I look for perfection, not merely sexual satisfaction. I mean I feel more confident and relaxed when I experience sexual relationships.”
In fact some participants felt that a relation without sexual contact is not complete, and the sexuality part is what makes a relation worthwhile and whole.
4.7. Love As a License for Premarital Sexual Behaviors
Most of the participants who experienced premarital sexual relationships stated that they loved their boyfriends and they got involved in sexual behaviors because of their emotions. They stated that when you love someone, you like to touch his body and physical intimacy is a means of expressing your feelings. Although, premarital sexual relationship is not acceptable in the Iranian culture because of social and religious reasons, some participants believed that when two individuals fall in love and cannot live separately, there is no limitation for them to experience intimate relationships. Susan, 19 years old, stated that:
“Although experiencing premarital sexual relationships is taboo in the Iranian culture, if I love someone, I prefer to engage in sexual relationships, because it leads to a closer relationship”
4.8. Goal-Oriented Relationship As a License for Premarital Sexual Behaviors
Most participants reported that they usually engaged in an opposite-sex relationship if a number of criteria were met, e.g. if the relationship was goal-oriented. They defined goal-oriented relationships as long-term relationships or mutual intentions to get married. The purpose of the relationship, especially the intention to get married in the future, was a powerful motivation for them to engage in sexual behaviors because they thought sexual relationships could also help them know more about their boyfriend. They stated that they could evaluate if they are suitable cases for each other regarding marriage. Soheila, 25 years old, stated that:
“If I find someone qualified and eligible for marriage, I will engage in sexual behaviors because sexual relationships provide a situation for me to know my boyfriend better and make a better decision.”